


(Your Impression Is Still There) On My Skin

by raviiel



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sasuke and Naruto are the sad angry gays once again, Vignettes, they're really just pathetic aren't they
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-13 21:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14121069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raviiel/pseuds/raviiel
Summary: Things make sense until they don't, and then at that point, you have to make sense of things yourself.





	(Your Impression Is Still There) On My Skin

**i.**

They are twelve and the world makes sense. They are shinobi who defend their village from danger.

No one questions how much time they spend together, not even Sakura and Kakashi. Sakura knows there's a line she can't quite pass and Kakashi knows it's not his place to get closer. As the prodigal son of the Uchiha and the loathed bane of the village, the stares they garner when walking through the village (not at each other's necks for once) are no secret.

When they walk, it's close and walled off in a way that outsiders can't seem to penetrate. Sasuke doesn't hear the misplaced whispers of praise and Naruto doesn't hear the snide remarks said under breath, too cowardly to approach directly. Their hands will brush and they'll think of grabbing hold, but they're in public and they would never let go. It's enough that their knuckles knock together like a shy lifeline.

Dipping into the treeline, they're laughing among themselves at escaping accidentally knocking over a shopkeeper's stand. It's not very shinobi-like, but they're not hardened by the world yet, not like all of their teachers.

It's when Sasuke's eyes uncrease from his smile to look at Naruto still laughing like an imp that he comes to a full-stop in every way. They're in the shade, but Naruto's smile is like the sun anyway, so the blockage is nothing.

By the time Naruto blinks, it's over. Sasuke is pulling back and looking away like he hadn't done anything. Naruto is a little slow on the uptake, but his cheeks warm and an even brighter smile breaks on his face. He throws an arm across Sasuke's shoulders and jerks him close, pecking his cheek in return. The blush is easier to make out on Sasuke because he's so pale; it's like a little sunburn.

Later, Sasuke murmurs, the burn of his cheeks having never gone away, "It's just—Your laugh... You were laughing."

They're laying on the training grounds after a long evening of sparring, panting and covered in sweat. The words aren't quite as coherent as he wants them to be, but Naruto sports a shit-eating grin none the less.

"You think I'm _cute."_ he taunts, but heat his running down his neck and spreading to his chest: Sasuke thinks he's _cute._ It's amazing.

"Idiot," Sasuke says, trying to recover his facade, "you're more like a small animal. Did you know people want to hug cute animals until they die so they'll stop being cute?"

An ominous shiver staggers up Naruto's spine, and he elbows Sasuke in the side. "Fuck off, bastard."

Sasuke snorts and closes his eyes. Their panting has calmed and now that Naruto doesn't feel like his skin will melt off of him, he turns his head. The moonlight reflects of Sasuke's face in a way Naruto can only think of as, _Pretty._ He would never say that out loud though, gods forbid.

The way Sasuke's chest rises and falls eases him, and a giddiness bubbles in his chest. They're laying here _together,_ him and Sasuke, who not so long ago seemed untouchable. He can't help himself and pushes over to press a kiss at the corner of Sasuke's lips.

Sasuke sputters. "Idiot!" he nearly screeches, though he's not mad and both of them know it. "I'm covered in sweat and your lips are all chapped!"

"Oh, like yours are softer than a baby's bottom?" Naruto jabs, flopping back.

Sasuke glares, but then it softens when he sees how... free Naruto looks. Not sad. Not angry. Not frustrated at himself because the village beat that into him. He's just Naruto, and he's by Sasuke's side.

Naruto is Naruto and Sasuke is Sasuke, and the world makes sense.

 

 

 

**ii.**

They are sixteen and the world doesn't make sense. One is a rogue from a village that massacred his clan and the other is a shinobi trying to prove his best friend still has good in him.

There are too many politics, too many unknown factors. Too many people trying to reason with Naruto that what he's doing is a lost cause—that _Sasuke_ is a lost cause. That this isn't what he should be doing if he wants to be Hokage. And he does, he _does_ still want to be Hokage, but... Every day, he questions more and more if it's the right path. Deep inside his crumbling heart, he knows that if it came down to it, he would reject the mantle, reject the world, snatch up Sasuke from a path falling apart, and hideaway forever. He doesn't even know if the path _he's_ on is the right one.

No one ever asks him because they don't want to hear him _say_ that. No one wants to hear the savior of the Leaf say he would give it all up for some murderous rogue who didn't care about him. It was simply disgraceful.

They see his answer though; in his panic attacks, in his anger, in his begging and pleading, in his arguing. He's become a person undeterred from his goal, and that goal is Sasuke. It's always been Sasuke. It will always _be_ Sasuke.

 

There are too many lies, too many deceptions. Sasuke has been fed them his entire life and his world has never felt more shaken. The crimes he's committed... In the face of the end of his brother's life, the person who used to mean everything to him, they are nothing. They're _nothing_ compared to what he's going to do. The entirety of the Leaf will feel his wrath.

His team doesn't understand, but they don't need to. They feel their debt to him still hasn't been repaid, and even though he's not sure to what extent that debt digs down to, it's their choice in the end. To be by his side. To even die by his hand, despite having their own goals.

There is no path for him but this one. This one, where he strikes down those who have wronged his people. This one, where he turns almost completely away from the light if it means complete revenge. This one, where he can feel himself far in the back of his mind, slipping away.

He has taken down the one behind it all, but it's not enough. He's thirsty, _starving_ for blood.

 _No one_ has any right to tell him what he should be feeling.

 _No one_ has any right to stand in his way.

And yet—

_"I understand why you did it!"_

Rage. Seething. He's nothing but a fucking _orphan._ What the _fuck_ would _he_ know?

Sakura is yelling. She needs to shut the fuck up. Why are they like this? _Why are they like this?_

Words are coming out of this mouth and he's suddenly high on blood lust. They're right there in front of him and he's not the same as he used to be. Not the same pathetic wimp. Not the same lost brat. He's going to show them. _He's going to fucking show them—_

But then the clash is so bright—so fucking bright—a cyclone meeting a lightning storm and—

It's this place again. White and empty and they are so alone, even with each other.

"I hated all of them too." Naruto says, because it's true. He wanted revenge. He wanted to spite them for everything they were and for everything they did to him.

Sasuke can only hear him talk. His voice is pouring entirely into the space around them, his mere presence filling it up. It's overwhelming and Sasuke hates it. He wants to slam his hands to his ears and scream because Naruto is _everywhere_ and it's _always like this—_ he's always _everywhere_ when they see each other. It knots Sasuke's organs and makes him want to tear himself open, rip everything out, and throw it at Naruto's feet.

_Why are you getting closer?_

Because he is, and he doesn't know why. Naruto doesn't know why he's walking, but Sasuke looks just as tired as he feels, and isn't this just... too much? Sasuke is angry—beyond angry—and... he's so alone, and it scares Naruto because he's _fine_ with it, he's _fine_ with being alone. How can he deal with that?

Naruto knows he could've turned out the same if someone hadn't reached out to him—

"Stop."

Sasuke's voice is hoarse. Strained. He feels like he's _losing it_ and his shoulders are trembling and his muscles are taut like they're about to snap. Naruto is standing right in front of him.

_"I'm really glad I met you."_

Before he knows what he's doing, Sasuke snatches Naruto's jacket so sharply that it rips holes. Naruto yelps with eyes wide. Sasuke clenches his jaw and his vision is blurry. _These eyes..._

"Why are you doing this to us— _you—me—FUCK!"_ Sasuke screams and Naruto is frozen. "NARUTO!" he screams, and his bony knuckles press into Naruto's gaunt chest.

It's a knee-jerk reaction, but Naruto grips Sasuke's wrists, fingernails digging in. They're eye to eye, staring wildly at each other, suddenly both ready to go in for the kill because they've both been through _so much and they're so tired and angry—_

It _hurts._

_Ah, fuck—_

Naruto pushes back, teeth bared, clamping down almost viciously on Sasuke's bottom lip. Sasuke reaches back and yanks at his hair, probably pulling out a whole handful. Naruto growls, cussing when they slit apart for a moment and Sasuke promptly tells him to go fuck himself before cutting into his top lip and narrowly missing biting his tongue off.

It's too much and not enough all at once. Heat roils at dangerous levels between them, threatening to melt them right out of existence. Hot iron between their lips, teeth, and tongue, and it's painful and _disgusting_ and everything Naruto hasn't let himself think about for years now. Nothing like the stolen kisses when things were easier and they were both naive fools.

They're still fools, Sasuke knows. Fucking fools, fucking idiots, and what are they doing? And he has _never_ subjected himself to the same category as Naruto— _fucking idiot asshole dead-last good for nothing piece of SHIT—_ but the way his hands are melded into Naruto, it's hard... to tell who's who.

And Naruto _hates_ to admit it but _fuck,_ even if he can't find himself right now, even if he doesn't know who he is or who Sasuke is or who either of them are supposed to be— _heroes villains protectors destroyers avengers enemies partners FRIENDS—_ he _wants_ this. To be lost. To have lost. To lose himself here.

_Disgusting._

They are both disgusting and shattered and they think it's okay to swap pieces of themselves through swollen tongues and clacking teeth and bloody lips.

Then, it's over.

Naruto shoves Sasuke off of him.

 _"FUCK YOU, SASUKE!"_ Naruto screams with drenched eyes.

It's over far too soon.

And they blow back from each other, white world shattered. Fall back into a reality where they will die together.

_Fucking fools, the both of us._

Naruto is chasing to his death, Sasuke can't find his way, and _nothing_ makes sense.

 

 

 

 

**iii.**

They are twenty and they are still trying to make sense of their world. The war is over and peace presides. One body starts and another ends, but neither of them know where the line is. They are still collecting the pieces of themselves. Some will never be swapped back.

Kakashi had refused to settle Sasuke back into the hellscape that was the Uchiha compound and, entirely without Sasuke's permission, had a comfortable house built at the edge of the village, where thick forest began to eat flat land. It was probably one of the more thoughtful things he's ever done in his life. Of course, as a natural law of the universe, Naruto had followed where Sasuke went and eventually abandoned his shitty apartment in the middle of the village to live with him.

The workings of the setup were odd at first because Naruto _needed_ to be among _people_ and Sasuke... did not—but Naruto stuck it through and worked out a balance because because he _finally_ had Sasuke back (Sasuke, _Sasuke,_ _He's back and I have him and I can touch him, Sasuke)_ so what more could he want at this point?

Sure, Sasuke was gone for periods of time that gradually increased, but that didn't matter. Neither did the fact that Naruto would go days, maybe even weeks, without hearing a word from him. His basest parts knew there was no need to worry; there was no need to chase like his life depended on it anymore. What a relief it was to both of them.

When Sasuke left, it also meant he got to come home—not to the Leaf Village, but to _Naruto._

While he was away on his missions personally handed to him by the Hokage—Kakashi knew how to keep him busy best—Naruto was almost always in the village, being groomed for the position he would take up in less than five years. Kakashi was as eager to get rid of the hat as Naruto used to be to take it, but now being Hokage meant _more_ than acknowledgment.

It meant change and renewed policies and making sure children were cared for so that there would never be another _them_ again. It meant stripping out the old and dusting thick cobwebs that hid secrets. It meant leading a people and a place Naruto could be _proud of._

It meant giving Sasuke a place to call home.

That was a while off and Naruto knew he had a long road ahead of him, but he was prepared. He would do whatever it took. For now, it was enough that their open space of house was the first place Sasuke stopped at when he finally came back. Naruto wouldn't even have to see him to know that he was there; it was the feel of his chakra signature, that cool sharpness subtle enough to be missed by anyone else but was so familiar to Naruto that it was overwhelming.

Sasuke thought he was silly for it, that he would come scampering out of the woodwork as soon as he stepped foot past the property's chakra proximity alarms.

"You're home!"

Even at night, Naruto managed to shine like the sun. It was stupid, but Sasuke secretly appreciated it; that brightness was the only conspicuous absence when he was outside of the village.

"Do you always have to run out to greet me like a dog?"

"Fuck off!" Naruto pipes cheerfully. He crashes into Sasuke, but smart and surefooted enough to use momentum, Sasuke swings around until steady, when Naruto's arms are wrapped around him. Sasuke sighs in exasperation but uses his arm to brace Naruto anyway as they walk. Naruto laughs, too lively for the dead hour, and plants a wet kiss on his cheek.

"Definitely a dog." Sasuke quips.

Long gone are the times when Naruto would ask for permission to kiss him, when he was too shy and shuffled restlessly into eternity until Sasuke would roll his eyes and offer whichever part of himself out. Those weeks after being released from the hospital, it had been especially tentative; Naruto would watch him like he might disappear at any moment and Sasuke always felt like he was on the edge of a breakdown.

Neither of them are even sure how the first time happened after coming home. It might've even been in the hospital—hopped up on pain medications and mistakenly restricted to the same room.

"Did you go far this time?" Naruto asks when they've managed to squeeze through the door. He finally lets go when they're inside and excitedly hops onto the bed.

"Just to Tea Country." Sasuke replies, pulling off his cloak with one swift motion and hanging it up.

"Can you tell me about it?" he asks eagerly.

"No." Sasuke says.

Naruto scowls while he strips out of his dirty travel clothes. "You gonna take a bath? Want me to scrub your back?"

"Don't tell me you haven't bathed yet. Maybe that's what I smelled five miles out."

Naruto chucks a pillow at his head that he smoothly dodges.

"Yes, I'm going to bathe. No, I don't need your help. I'd really like to soak before you contaminate me with your germs."

"Why are you such an asshole first thing when you get home?" Naruto whines, flopping back onto the bed and shooting vulgar gestures at Sasuke's back.

"Hn."

As soon as Sasuke pads out of the room, Naruto gleefully curls up into a ball and rolls around on the bed. He hates sleeping here alone, but tonight he doesn't have to!

He's about to get up for something to drink when images of a gaping hole in his chest flash sharply through his mind. He gasps and falls back onto the bed, clutching his chest for reassurance that he's still in one piece, and—nothing. There's no hole. His hand too—he turns it over repeatedly to make sure it's not covered in blood.

With a deep, shuddering breath, Naruto pushes off the bed and flicks on the dim lamp.

_I'm fine. It's cool. No injuries. No blood._

So he goes to get a glass of water instead of juice, and then flops onto the bed to wait.

Some twenty minutes later, when Sasuke's sure all the grime is scrubbed off his skin, he walks back into the room. The lamp is on and Naruto's sprawled over their bed, one arm slung over his eyes and his other hand on his chest. Sasuke has the urge to touch his own chest but resists, and instead changes into night clothes from the towel around his waist. Naruto doesn't move.

When the bed shifts, Naruto flinches and he throws the arm from his eyes immediately. Sasuke studies him.

"Intrusive thought." Naruto mutters by way of explanation.

"Hn. Do you want help with your arm?"

Without response, Naruto lifts his right arm. Sasuke quietly starts in on unwrapping the bandages. He's gotten good at doing it with just one hand since Naruto likes him to do it at least one night while he's in the village; something about it soothing him.

Over the years, the cells have adjusted and the material has smoothed from bark-like and something more fleshy. The side of Sasuke's hand slides along it as he unwraps the bandages with deft fingers, and soon the whole arm is revealed.

"Does it hurt?" Sasuke asks, running a finger along the seam of skin and cultivated wood.

Naruto, who had been watching Sasuke through the process, grunts. He reaches over to channel chakra where his true flesh ends, and then the prosthetic disconnects easily. It goes back into its place inside the nightstand drawer and then Naruto looks back at Sasuke. He puts his hand up to his chest.

"m'Tired, bastard. Sleep."

He does sound very exhausted, so Sasuke goes down without a fight. He'll have to get up early tomorrow to write and deliver his report (before some ANBU tries to come and force it out of him), but for now, it doesn't matter that much.

Their bodies shuffle around unto Naruto is practically blanketing him. Since the night is cool anyway, Sasuke doesn't bother snarking on it. They settle and Naruto's head lays on his chest while Sasuke starts listening when he syncs his inhales and exhales with every fifth heartbeat. Whatever that intrusive thought was must've gotten too deep under his skin.

The only other sounds are the dead of night outside and the creaks of the house shifting. Sasuke almost dozes off, but then Naruto speaks.

"Hey."

"Hn."

"I'm glad you came back."

"You always say that."

"I always mean it."

Naruto is finally calm enough to move and not feel like his hand is going to sear right through Sasuke. They shift around more and their faces level, moonlight streaking across different parts of their features. Naruto reaches for Sasuke's hand and laces their fingers together. He can feel the subtle pulse in the digits.

"I was ready to die with you." he says suddenly, though he's not sure why. He just remembers rains of needles from icy mirrors, giant snakes snapping, older brothers and their choking hands, white worlds with no one else, and wishing upon too many dead stars that this was where he could be again.

It's been years, but Naruto can remember the blood on his hands like it was yesterday.

But Sasuke can remember stolen kisses in the shade, at night while sweaty, in white worlds with too much teeth and blood, in sterile hospital rooms while high on analgesics that tasted stale and new at the same time. Nothing can change what was. He knows that now. Even when it's... overwhelming, this is all they've got.

Maybe this is all he's ever wanted. In hindsight, how could he want anything else?

"But we didn't."

(He's ashamed to remember how he used to want that.)

Not to absolve himself, but to ground himself, Sasuke tips in across the pillows. Naruto doesn't move but their lips touch nonetheless—and it's nothing and everything all at once. Startlingly freezing and swelteringly hot, destruction and salvation, peace and pain, sorrow and happiness.

Sasuke is home now.

For all that they're shitty at anything else 'normal' in life, this is the one thing they can do right.

 _We didn't,_ a kiss will say when they feel each other's hearts beat.

 _I'm here,_ a kiss will say when he wakes up from terrors that will always be there.

 _We're here,_ a kiss will say when he remembers that they both made it.

 _It's okay,_ for when the nightmares don't stop.

 _I miss you,_ for when the nights are too cold.

 _Don't go,_ for when it's the last night for only a while, but feels like the last night for forever.

_I'm sorry, for everything I ever did to you._

 

_I'm sorry, I'll come back._

 

 

_I'm sorry. I love you too._

 

 

 

Naruto has Sasuke and Sasuke has Naruto, and that makes all the sense they'll ever need.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This didn't turn out as good as I wanted it to, and the last part is especially unsatisfying, but what can you do. This fic was inspired by [this Tumblr post](http://narutow.tumblr.com/post/138513719636) that really just... [clenches fist] got my goat. I've been dying to post a new SNS fic for ages now but writer's block is being a pain in my ass.
> 
> Crossposted to [Tumblr](https://uchiuzus.tumblr.com/post/172326405653).


End file.
